 Our son is 2 1/2 years old and still breastfeeding. I have been very
supportive and I now feel it is time for my wife to become proactive
in the weaning process. The reasons are few but important. My
relationship with my wife has deteriorated somewhat over the last year
simply due to the fact we have little if any time alone. We can't
leave our son with anyone for the night because he is still nursing,
and there is no end in sight.
In addition, he has slept in our bed since birth (mainly because he is
still nursing) and there it is never appropriate for intimacy. In
addition, my wife and I both have struggled to quit smoking. We never
smoke around our son so he has never been exposed to second-hand
smoke, but I wonder if he is getting nicotine in his system. Could he
be addicted to nicotine through breast milk? Is this affecting the weaning
process?
My main question is this. How firm should I be with my wife about
this? I truly feel it is affecting our family in a negative way. I was
very supportive from the beginning and now I feel that my wife should
be equally supportive of my concerns. I just don't see the advantage
anymore if it is causing us to have heated arguments in front of
our son. (He has now started to yell like his parents) I know this is
a rambling question. Are there any benefits at all to nursing at 2
1/2? I am sure there are no nutritional benefits and I can't imagine
what the rest would be and if there are any, how could they possibly
outweigh the problems our family is having?
Thanks
Denver Dad
Dear Denver Dad,
Your letter was forwarded to me for reply by Breastfeeding.com.
As a Lactation Consultant, I often hear from moms of toddlers that
their husband is pressuring them to wean. My own husband did the
same to me. And, even though I am a woman and "on the other
side" so to speak, I DO understand. I know how intense my
relationship was with my daughter. Had I been the other parent,
it would have been hard for me too! Being a parent is the
hardest thing you will ever do. But your child will grow up
quickly, and one day you will look back and wonder how time could have
flown so quickly.
There are two wonderful pediatricians that I think you should get to
"know." One is Dr. William Sears. The other is
Dr. Jack Newman. Dr. Sears is the father of 8 breastfed
children. He actually has a sign posted in his office that says
"EARLY WEANING NOT RECOMMENDED." He did not always
feel that way. This evolved with his maturation as a father.
He has written many excellent parenting books. One that might be
helpful to you is "Becoming a Father." Early in the
book he explains how his life changed and his fathering evolved with
each child. In his foreward on the very first page of his book
he says, "Fathering means carrying through with what you
started...Carrying through means being sensitive to the mother's needs
so she may be a better mother..."
A powerful message that he conveys to men is also in the forward.
He says about his fourth child (and first daughter): "Hayden's
needs were not only intense, they also lasted longer. She weaned
from the breast when she was four years old and left our bed at
four-and-a-half years. During that time I continued to grow,
albeit slowly, in paternal sensitivity. I became more sensitive
to all of my children, and this sensitivity carried over into our
marriage. Even our sex life improved. My wife became more
sensitive to me as a mate. (Nothing turns a woman on more than a
man who is a sensitive and caring father) "
NO TRUER WORDS WERE EVER SPOKEN - ask any woman and she will agree!
By the way, Dr. Sears and his wife have a website. You can
actually leave a question for him to answer. I would encourage
you to leave the same question
for him there that you left at Breastfeeding.com. Just click on
the following link: http://protected.pathfinder.com/ParentTime/sears/index.html
The other doctor I'd like for you to "know" is Dr. Jack
Newman. Dr. "Jack," as we lactation consultants
affectionately call him, is a Canadian pediatrician and breastfeeding
expert who runs a breastfeeding clinic. He also has a brand new
book out called Dr. Jack Newman's Guide to Breastfeeding. He has a
wonderful article on the web "Breastfeeding
a Toddler - Why on Earth?"
His article explains many of the benefits of nursing a toddler, as
well as dispelling the myths that there are no more nutritional or
immunological benefits beyond a year. There are indeed MANY
benefits to nursing a toddler as your wife has undoubtedly learned.
It makes mothering much, much easier! Nothing can stop a temper
tantrum easier nor calm down a hurting or upset child. I have
known of women who actually nursed their toddlers in emergency rooms
during bone-setting and stitches. You could never comfort a
child that way with a bottle.
I understand your concerns about the smoking. Babies with
parents who smoke have more respiratory illnesses and are more likely
to die of SIDS. However, Dr. Jack has the following to say:
"All the publicity about exposure to nicotine, about carcinogenic
compounds that the baby receives does not diminish the risks of not
breastfeeding." He goes on to say, "Stop smoking if you can.
Cut down if you can't. If you or your partner must continue to
smoke, do so outside; away from your baby. But breastfeed."
A baby does not receive the same amount of nicotine that the mom is
getting. It has been approximated that the child receives only
about 10%. That is the reason that it is not contraindicated.
I hope this helps you somewhat. If I can answer any other
questions, I would be happy to.
Cher Sealy, RN, BSN, IBCLC
Important Disclaimer
This Breastfeeding.com service is designed to help visitors obtain
advice and guidance. You are solely responsible for the outcome of any services and/or
advice you are given. Breastfeeding.com is not responsible for any services and/or
advice given by the consultants, and shall not be liable or responsible to any person or
entity for any loss or damage caused, or alleged to be have been caused, directly or
indirectly by the information or ideas contained, suggested, or referenced. Your
participation in this service is solely at your own risk
|
Breastfeeding
Answer
Center
