Story of a Working Mom

by Stacy Reid

My daughter Lily was born in October, 2004 and from the moment she arrived she breastfed like a trooper. I felt very lucky that I had such a smart baby with a perfect latch and even though I had done my homework and had lots of support, I barely needed it. I thought how blessed I am that this is the one thing with which I will not have a problem.

Lily and I were able to maintain that blissful breastfeeding relationship for almost 3 months. Then I had to go back to work and had no idea what I was in for. I had prepared for going back to work very carefully, just like I had prepared for breastfeeding before my baby arrived.

I had a hospital grade pump, of course, and learned how to use it. I stored a freezer full of extra breast milk and I had pumped twice a day for nearly a month. I gave Lily one bottle a day almost every day since she born so she would know how to use a bottle. I planned the first days back to work so she could acclimate to daycare.

The first week would be one day at work and then the following two weeks I would only work 3 days a week. Finally, I would start back full time after that. Then the week I was due back to work came and I was to start on a Friday. On Wednesday Lily started to refuse a bottle. I was beside myself with fear and guilt. Although it was flattering that she only wanted me, she needed to learn to take a bottle because I had no choice but to go back to work. I just felt like I was trying to make her do something she didn't want to do and it was so natural to want a breast not a bottle. Even my husband tried to feed her. I always had to resort to giving her my breast at a certain point because she just wouldn't eat.

Then finally she went to daycare on Friday. By noon they were calling me because none of them could get her to take a bottle either. I left work and went to pick her up with my husband who commuted to work with me. Driving back to daycare seemed like an eternity.

Thank God for my husband and his patience. I breastfed her there at the daycare and took her home. Once home, I just cried to my husband because I didn't have any idea what to do. We both worked with her every feeding all weekend and finally Saturday night she took a bottle for him and he fed her almost every feeding until Monday morning. My husband the saint!

This unfortunately wasn't the only breastfeeding issue I encountered. Once I started back full time, my breast milk supply began to dwindle. I even started my period. I had no idea that pumping 3-4 times a day because I am away from my child could affect my milk supply. I had just figured that feeding and pumping were the same thing right? Boy, was I wrong!

I called a lactation consultant and leaders in the LeLeche League and asked for advice. I was able to start on a regiment of pumping after she fed, keeping her on the breast as often and as long as she wanted when we were together, taking fenugreek tablets and drinking mother's milk tea. I followed their hand-outs to the letter. That seemed to help and boost it back a bit.

Things seemed to smooth out for a bit but then my daughter started refusing the bottle again after getting a cold at day care. As soon as I was able to get her back on the bottle she started teething. This, of course, exacerbated the problem.

We started her on cold bottles and tried some cereal with her so she would eat. Just when I thought we were back in the swing of things, I got my period again. This brought my supply down dangerously low. I was down to 5-7 ounces over 3 to 4 pumping sessions. Also, this time the low supply lasted for over a week and started just before I got my period.

I once again had to call for help and a wonderful LeLeche League member talked me off my proverbial ledge. She did have to warn me that I may lose my milk. It was so hard to hear that I was doing everything right, but pumping doesn't always trick your body into thinking you are breast feeding.

I had to make a difficult decision and I did start my daughter on some formula (at daycare only) because I just couldn't pump the amount she needed. She was also still too young to only eat solids exclusively while I was away and have her get her breast milk when we were together. I did decide I was going to continue breastfeeding and pumping for as long as I could. So, I upped the doses of Fenugreek and switched around my pumping routine. Plus, after my period ended it seemed that my supply started to go back up again on its own.

I still only pump 8-10 ounces up from 5, which is a far cry from the 15 ounces I would pump when I first started this. I know over time it will diminish, however, having my daughter drink even some breast milk is important to me. I know that it gives her antibodies and essential nutrients she wouldn't be able to get anywhere else. Plus, it allows me to have a special relationship when I am with her and bond with her in ways I can't describe. This means so much to me as a working mom.

I have to say that none of this could have been done without a support network; my friends and family have all been supportive of my decision to breast feed. My husband is constantly encouraging me even on the days I want to quit and just switch to formula. He knows just the right thing to say and reminds me that I love breastfeeding. He says not to give up the things I love just because it gets difficult.

I know that even if I decided to switch to formula he would be there for me. I have no idea how long my milk will last and at the end of every month I know I will have to face the problems again. Even with the uncertainty, I do know this. I will still fight for every drop of milk and do everything I can for as long as I can. I will do it not only for my daughter, but for myself and for all the people who supported me in this endeavor. Why? Because this is now means much more to me and my whole family than good nutrition. Breastfeeding has become much more!